Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
