This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
