Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
