Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
