fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
