Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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