At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize