well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
