she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
