I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
