Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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