I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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