I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat