If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.