Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU