Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.