She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.