Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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