so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
