Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
