god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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