are you so shy because you have an std?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
