I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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