I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
