wakey wakey hands off snakey
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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