so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
