Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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