Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
