i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
