i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
