yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
