i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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