So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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