: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize