Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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