were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
