Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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