I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
