I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
