Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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