I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
