After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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