Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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