I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
