based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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