You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
