look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
