y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
