While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
