There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
