I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
