Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
