i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
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Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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