I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
