I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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