Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just tell him i said nine months
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
