remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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