i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
