I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
