um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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