big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We need to get me chipped asap
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
