dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
