Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
